


color theory

by rantachi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:03:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rantachi/pseuds/rantachi
Summary: Akira is 'dark'. He is 'black'. He is evil, he is a criminal.Thus, conversely, Yusuke Kitagawa is 'light'. He is 'white', the color of purity.





	color theory

**Author's Note:**

> if by some miracle this makes it unbeta'd and 1st drafted published: im sorry in advance i wrote this at 3 am while having an existential crisis
> 
> edit 7/1/2017: i am honestly so touched y'all like this so much . i wrote this as a semi vent piece at 4 am and only quickly checked it??? im so genuinely touched thank you all for your support and im so so glad you guys liked this . maybe ill do more shukita in the future?

Akira is 'dark'. 

He is 'black'. He is evil, he is a criminal. His classmates at Shujin look down on him, turn up their noses and sneer at him with whispers of whatever new malicious rumor about him that was spreading that week in the crook of their mouths. He's long since accepted that.

He's accepted that he deserves what he gets - the malicious looks, the lack of trust so many have for him, the rumors, the dead end and low paying jobs. He's lucky enough that Sojiro took him in, that anyone lets him work part time in general; who would he be to complain about his situation? After all, he did it to himself. He willingly dirtied his hands, stepped into a situation that he didn't belong in, and committed a crime. 

_(No, the fact he stepped in to save someone meant nothing. Kindness is only met with scorn and glares. People take advantage of your kindness, your charity. Yes, whatever intent he originally had didn't matter, not now. He was a criminal, someone who had assaulted **「a drunk bastard? a piece of shit? a would-be rapist?」** an innocent man for no real reason.)_

 

Grey areas do not exist. There is good, there is evil. There is light, there is dark. There is black, there is white. Akira knows this to be true without a shadow of a doubt - he's never known anything but extremes. He is 'evil'.

 

Thus, conversely, Yusuke Kitagawa is 'light'. He is 'white', the color of purity, _( **and death,** a voice nags at him softly, **and death.** )_ of innocence and hope. He is everything Akira is not, beautiful and kind and genuine. He shines with a brilliance all of his own, with eyes that can pick out even the tiniest of details and hands that glide almost effortlessly over the canvas when he has inspiration faster than the human eye can follow. 

Yusuke Kitagawa is everything that Akira isn't. He is the opposite of Akira, and by all means, someone that shouldn't have any right associating with scum like him, lowly and petty criminals with no deeper motivations than 'I was bored'. 

_(No, his intents being genuine and good didn't matter. He was a criminal, he was bored, there could be no other explanation as to why he was found guilty - he had to have committed a crime. Therefore, Akira could not have had good intents. That was how the world worked.)_

 

Maybe that's why every time that Yusuke asks to come over, asks to just...spend time with him, his stomach gets butterflies. Why he melts so completely around Yusuke, why his life seems so much better and brighter and _vivid_ when the artist stops by Leblanc, smiles at him, and cheerily orders a coffee that he can only pay for half of the time.

_(Akira wonders if Yusuke stops by because he knows that Akira would gladly give him the moon, too. A coffee for free paled in comparison to the rest of the things that he'd like to buy him. He hopes that he does know just how much he's worth to Akira after the many flowers he'd snuck out of his job to give to Yusuke, after the observatory and their first kiss in the rain outside of Leblanc. He hopes that he can buy Yusuke much, much more than a coffee and flowers someday.)_

 

Yusuke is too good for Akira. Yusuke is too kind, too genuine for someone like Akira. And he genuinely doesn't understand - perhaps _cannot_ understand - why Yusuke loves someone so pitiful and arguably worthless such as himself.

 

He asks, one night. A lazy night, curled up on an old couch in the attic of Leblanc, listening to Yusuke tirelessly draw in his sketchbook, the TV on mindlessly behind them tuned to a TV show neither of them could care any less about.

"Yusuke. What... what is it you see in me?" His voice is surprisingly calm, if not quiet. Yusuke doesn't seem to hear him at first, but before he can repeat himself Yusuke's pencil goes down against the sketchbook. 

"What I see in you?" He repeats, turning a bit to focus his full attention on Akira, finding himself idly moving to run a hand through Akira's hair. "I'm not quite sure I could put it in words, truthfully. I've worked tirelessly already to capture your brilliance on paper, yet it all seems to pale in comparison next to the real thing. I'm afraid that if I cannot put it on paper, I may not be able to translate it to words at all."

Akira manages a quiet, sad smile at his words, letting his eyes drift shut to the feeling of his hair being idly toyed with. "You're too flattering. But... that's not exactly what I meant. I guess."

Yusuke hums a tune that Akira doesn't quite recognize, a sign of listening from the former. There's a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Akira takes it as his cue to keep talking.

"I mean, I just..." He trails off, biting his lip, before moving to sit up a bit against his boyfriend with a quiet sigh. "I'm... nothing really special, you know? ...No, that's not it. I'm a criminal, you know...? More trouble than it's worth. An evil villain, so to speak. The color black in a lot of art depictions. Unlikable? People sure seem to find reasons to dislike me, at least. And, I don't really- I mean, I guess I do, but- I don't really have a sense of self, like everyone else does, and- I'm very... how do I put it, I deserve what people say about me? As far as I can remember, everyone around me has reinforced that I deserve the shit I get be it malicious rumors or actual physical pain, so I must be pretty awful, especially with the way classmates talk abo--" 

The words tumble out at a steadily increasing pace once Akira gets going; he's only halted when Yusuke puts both hands on his shoulders, quickly moving him to face the other with a sharp 'Akira'. He's more than surprised at the intense look on Yusuke's face; he's even more surprised at the faint look of hurt that passes his eyes. He stumbles to a quiet halt, surprise and confusion reflected across his face. Yusuke takes a deep breath, seems to consider his words for a minute, then speaks.

"Akira. Whatever...no, whoever told you that you weren't special... is lying to you, beyond belief. You're extraordinary beyond words - even ignoring your abilities in the Metaverse, your smile alone is stunning. You radiate a beauty, a uniqueness that I cannot capture accurately in my art; you have a skill with connecting to others, with talking to them. No matter how you think of yourself, your sense of justice is higher than anyone else's that I've seen before, as well." He paused for a second, the hint of a smile ghosting his face as he moved to gently push a stray strand of hair back out of Akira's eyes with one hand.

"A criminal, I think not. You've already told me of how you ended up here - you tried to _save_ someone, not condemn them. And you deserve the malicious words and physical taunts just as much as I did from Madarame - just as much as I _do_ from my peers." Yusuke's voice was firm, but kind, and Akira found himself unable to continue to hold his gaze, glancing down at the floor to try and avoid the pinprick tears that he could already feel forming. There was a gentle silence as Yusuke pondered his next words, before speaking.

"Black is a strong color, used for darkness and to convey strong, overwhelming emotions to the viewer. It's a visual symbol of wealth, of power, of grief and death. And yet, black is also the perfect canvas to draw out the full potential of brighter colors, of colors that may get written off on a white background. It's the color of elegance, and a color that can draw out the potential and enhance the vibrancy of many other colors." He murmured, almost lost in thought as he spoke.

"Even though it's traditionally viewed as such... black is not an inherently evil color. It's simply up to the viewer to interpret it in the way the artist intended. Nor are you as vile as you make yourself out to be, Akira. In the eyes of a viewer such as myself, you're quite the elegant, noble individual. And you cannot deny that you bring out the potential of the rest of us."

 

Akira was at a loss for words, as Yusuke gently cupped a hand under his chin, turning him to face the taller boy. He hoped that the tears that he felt prickling at the corners of his eyes was just his imagination, and attempted to collect himself quickly before speaking.

"But... that's, I... I don't deserve that kind of interpretation," He finished somewhat weakly, unable to quite sum up a better response to such heartfelt words. _(There's no easy way to put into words the feeling of being touched and overwhelmed by someone's kindness, and yet still feel horribly, horribly depressed and upset.)_ "You're... beautiful. And kind. And genuine. And heartfelt. And... you're, I... I don't understand. Why you put up with me. You're too good for me, and yet..."

"You're beautiful, too, you know." Yusuke's words were surprisingly soft and gentle, and Akira realized he was losing the battle with himself as tears brimmed in his eyes. "You, too, are kind beyond words nor paint can convey. It is not me who's too good for you; you are far beyond anything I would have ever imagined being so fortunate as to be given."

 

Akira loses that battle that night, crying soundlessly into Yusuke's shirt, unable to truly comprehend such kind words and feelings. Unable to really understand how someone could view him as anything other than the supposed criminal he was. When Yusuke tells him, soft and slow, that not everything is just that starkly black and white - that grey has to exist, too, for harmony in everything - he can't understand that, either. 

He's grateful, though, grateful beyond words and lucky beyond belief, and amidst his tears wonders if Yusuke knows that he'd do anything for him. Even become a genuine criminal. Even steal the moon, if that's what he wanted.

 

When he wakes up the next morning, bleary eyed and warm in Yusuke's arms, he feels just a little bit better.

Just a little bit like he's worth more than being treated like a criminal.

_(And it's okay, it's okay that he can't change his opinion of himself even if he tried, because Yusuke has never been anything but supportive and loving and always there to remind him that he's more than a criminal, than a blob of black paint to at least someone.)_


End file.
